someone owes me an orgasm
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
