3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
