So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
