I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
