I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
