We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
