I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize