he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
