I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
