dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize