The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
