you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
