I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
