well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Are we still banned from the library?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
