If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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