But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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