i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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