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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
