She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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