Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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