is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
