don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I need moral support for this bender
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
