If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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