I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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