Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
