i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
