Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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