Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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