i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
