This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
