So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
