Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize