I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
