eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
