I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
