i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
