my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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