Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
