It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
not ubering you a puppy
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
