marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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