Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
