Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
