Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
