the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
