just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have fence marks all over my body
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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