Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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