so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
