Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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