The maid of honor just puked.
we made out on top of his cat.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
