so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
