I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize