I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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