u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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