so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
