as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
