I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
