Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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