Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
