I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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