This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
