normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
