you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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